I wasn’t a grown-up but it didn’t take rocket science to figure out that it had something to do with how I was looking. Certainly, it wasn’t the first time and she wasn’t the first one.
When I confronted my mother later on, she ignored the question by making up something random. But I realized I was right, when I heard her talk to my grandmother about it. That lady had mentioned some home remedy to lighten my skin color and another one to help me lose weight. And I stood there, with tears rolling down my cheeks, having no idea about what was wrong with me. Little did I realize, I had already sowed the seeds to my deepest insecurities. I wreaked havoc on my own self-esteem.
The new normal?
Years passed by, and these incidents just kept on increasing. The hardest part about growing up is that you don’t get to ask questions anymore. They expect you to have answers for everything. Even things you never knew off. Whether it was the casual mocking by the guy I had a crush on in high school, or one of my peers who compared my skin color to coal in front of the entire class, it had become my new normal.
Some of us don’t even realize it happening day-to-day because nobody really says it to your face; they will probably pass it betwixt general conversations or sometimes even just look at you in a way which will give you sleepless nights. It was as if the whole world was yelling a message loud and clear to me: “I am not acceptable.”
Body shaming is a shame! According to a survey by the Independent, almost half of adults are body shamed because of their weight, hair or even the size of their feet. The truth is we are all prisoners. We are all surrounded by people just want us to kneel.
Thanks to the social media trending nowadays, tags like “perfect” or “acceptable” have acquired new definitions. Magazine pages are relentlessly filling articles on losing weight ‘instantly’/’in days’ or ‘get the perfect skin’ or be perfectly ‘toned’. Sitcoms are all about using overweight characters’ bodies as the basis of many of the show’s jokes. Mainstream and social media is often criticized for creating unrealistic body standards for men and women of all ages. The new norm is to blame aspects of our bodies as some type of bonding experience with friends – consequently, if we all hate our bodies; it somehow makes us feel connected and united. Why is everything around us, directly or indirectly implying that we should want to change or we should care about looking a certain way?
Sources:
Meanwhile, it doesn’t stop here. Body shaming manifests in many ways:
- Criticizing your own appearance, through a judgment or comparison to another person. (For instance: “Look at how broad my shoulders are.”)
- Criticizing another’s appearance in front of them, (For instance: “With those thighs, you’re never going to find a date.”)
- Criticizing another’s appearance without their knowledge. (For instance: “At least you don’t look like her!”).
Honestly no matter how it manifests, it internalizes the fact that we are all meant to look a particular way physically, without even taking in account the kind of people we are on the inside. A lot of times, it runs within the family. Even the closest member in your family will poke you on how wide you’re growing and cover it up with a joke to make you see it in the light of humor, well you don’t. Similarly it can be your partner; somebody who should accept and love you for the way you are, who unintentionally hints on how you should’ve inherited your mother’s skin color and not your father’s, like it was my choice.
All this only coerces you into thinking that you deserve less. That anyone who loves you is doing you a favor. That becomes an attitude, and so when someone lends you their hand, you give them your heart. Gradually, it’s not even about you. Just because you don’t look the way they idealize you to, they grab the right to trash-treat you. And certainly after a point, you’re so weak and vulnerable, you become grateful for being allowed to hold their feet and carry the falling dust.
What is ‘ideal’?
Therefore, is there any such thing as an ‘ideal’ body?
Your ideal body is the strongest, healthiest, confident and re-built version of yourself. We are all blood, flesh and soul, walking around with body characteristics that we’re not in control of. And even if we are, we choose to live this way. Therefore, we will change when we want to, not when you order us to.
Sometimes, mere words you say can make us sulk in sadness all day. As a result, we may not even want to get up the next morning. Likewise, we’re all equally capable of pointing out a hundred odd things in each other. But it’s time we make a choice.
Stop victimizing people, stop making statements about how someone looks and look inside yourself for a change. Sometimes, the collateral damage we cause to people is a result of our own instinctive battles. Stop telling people, especially women, that they should have it all, do it all, be it all, and all by a certain age. It is nearly impossible. Above all, we all need someone to tell us that we look just fine, someone to believe in us. We will win half the battle right there.
To sum it up, if you’re a victim, you don’t need anyone to tell you that you’re beautiful, you are. Believe it, for yourself, in yourself. Become your own star, and catch yourself whenever you fall. However, if you’re on the other side, be a little kinder than necessary. Lift people up, it’s the least you can do.
Life is happening for you, not to you. Be ashamed to be a part of the world which promotes body shaming, not of yourself.
vibhutiv6 